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Encountering refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I started pitching articles half a century past, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless essays. During the recent 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 each year. In total, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: At this point, almost each individual and others has said no. I’ve never counted my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: recently, a newspaper editor rejected 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. A few years later, 25 representatives rejected a project. A particular editor requested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

My Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would editors be overlook my talent?
• Next, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Examples

Certainly, I was in good company. Stories of creators whose work was at first turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his youth squad. Many American leaders over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and bid to appear were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I achieved the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have already featured a like work, or have one underway, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader feels I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am peddling. Maybe was busy and reviewed my submission too fast to see its quality.

Feel free call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are forever beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or something about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in magazines large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better handle no at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have softened the jolts of my setbacks. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What lessons have I gained?

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